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Perry Hazeltine, PhD

Psychologist

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Home » Not Sure I’m Ready for This

Not Sure I’m Ready for This

January 10, 2020 by Perry Hazeltine

Rocket LaunchI can’t get it out of my head as I launch this: “What comes up, must come down”.  This isn’t my first blog, but I took a social media marketing class last winter, and of course, they recommended daily posts.  It was hard to ignore the fact that at that time my last blog entry was five years prior.  So I split the difference and thought, “How about every two and a half years?” I settled on once a week.

The blog is part of my new website.  I like creative projects but they’re almost always difficult, time-consuming, infants jealously demanding attention, disruptive to the rest of your life, and you’re always rushed because you’re always postponing working on it because you’re waiting for that fickled Muse to show. When she doesn’t you end up cramming and then she arrives, late as always, but you’re happy to see her anyway.

It’s hard to do any writing quickly when you’re a perfectionist.  These days I mostly write  research reports and  grant proposals for TeenHope and emails, lots of emails.  The emails are damn good but I spend too much time crafting something that most  people just scan read.  But, I’ve pretty much come to terms with my perfectionism. My big issue now is concentration.  The obvious part of the issue is the lack of concentration and less obvious is my attachment to the feeling of concentrating.  I crave it almost as much as I have the object of any of my addictions.  In my mindfulness practice, I struggle with the classic problem:  I  desire to be fully present to the one thing I am doing, but even that desire is an attachment if grasped too tightly. Hmm, I’m at 264 words after that last sentence and I’ve been writing more quickly than I usually do.  I’m happy with that.  I’m actually experiencing my concentration as a flow more than as thought words and sentences.  This is the way I’ll need to write if I’m to make it a sustainable practice.  I’m off to a good start!

 

 

 

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